Ghost

I watched through the window, I did. I watched clouds through the window, and below. It looked like a dance, like you were dancing with me and I was watching us but with us and then sometimes it was as if there was no separation between us, and I thought that was because we must have loved one another very much.

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Like a dance

What other things are like dances? I wasn’t thinking of those other things. But now, days later and from this void, I recall there was only one shadow. My shadow. Who was that little spark of light behind me, I now wonder.

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The tangle

When it replays like a film in my head, the not-a-dance, the whatever-it-was with that being, that light, that you behind me, it is clearer, even though we think of memories as hazy things, in retrospect. Or I am cloudier.

But look how it—how you — stand behind me. Are you a dancer, or are you an aggressor? I’m making theories after the fact, of course. I’ll probably never know who you are, or were, now.

I do remember the feeling, though, of being in those steps, and that’s from even another perspective, the perspective of the participant on the ground, on the rooftop, spinning in space, captivated by that light. What a little moth I was. What a little moth I may still be.

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The turn

And you. When I turn to confront you, fragile, cornered, trapped and angry, there are Words. And I am not yet angry enough, not yet, to say many Words, but just this once, I tthink maybe I will say a few.

The clouds make us look so beautiful don’t they? But look at how I turn away from you, from this light being, this — are you a partner? Are you a ghost? — other, and I know that in this moment, I am changing something. Something big. Something fateful.

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The confrontation

Something fateful. Yes, that’s it. I cannot be inside it now. Looking at it from the window is possible, but only for a moment.

I said No.

I said I cannot do that.

I said Now is not a good time.

And in that moment, in those eyes that were even then barely eyes but only flashes of light, the flash I saw was envy.

And then, the lights went out.

The lights never came back on.

You set me asunder, in the dark, and here I am in this cloud, looking through windows, through mist and memory, onto that scene, and it is the only scene I see, because I am severed and shattered and cast upon the wind while you, you have your distance and the empty space where I once was is only a little light you have put out, a little fragile thing that you think you have now happily rid yourself of.

But then I look at that scene again, and I see again that there is only one shadow.

I am the shadow.

You are the ghost.

I have the heartbeat, though for days at a time I do not want it.

And you?

You just turned off the light and left me in the dark, to remember that moment, over and over again.

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To remember that moment.

From the Author: Do us all a favour. Don’t fuck with my friends.

Style Card:
Body: Maitreya
Head: Genus Project, Baby Face
Skin: Ritual, Elspeth in Fantasy Tone Phyrra (This skin is a group gift at the Ritual Main Store)
Hair: Analog Dog (natch), Tuesday (At the Spoonful of Sugar Festival)
Makeup
Eyebrows & Eyelashes: Adored, Adorabundle, September 2019 Edition (in the September Genus Powder Pack)
Eyeshadow: Velour, Deborah Eyeshadow (in the September Genus Powder Pack)
Lipstick: Velour, Talitha Lipstick (in the September Genus Powder Pack)
Eyes: Tone 2, Strong Presence Eyes (At the Spoonful of Sugar Festival)
Tears: LAQ, Falling Tears
Necklace: Rozoregalia, Alugim
Dress: Belle Epoque, Vera
Foot Ribbons: 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Giselle Leg Wraps (at the 1313 Mockingbird Lane Main Store)
Wand: Elemental, Spirit Magic Wand (At the Spoonful of Sugar Festival)

Environment:
Photo setting: K&S, On The Rooftop
Poses: Nantra, Illuminati

The Greening

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The Guest House

So it may come as a surprise to you that I slept part of the winter away in the Guest House. This is a beautiful floating island house created by the architects at The Looking Glass, and it’s so cosy. I love the castle, but it’s so big! Now, of course, it isn’t drafty, because when Riven re-engineered it, she insulated it properly, right down to the cellar level, but sometimes I just like to be in a place where I can get up from bed and walk right over to the kitchen to do my toast, you know? Probably it’s a throwback to my former life in student digs.

Anyway, the winter just zoomed past, didn’t it? And then we were all at the Great Faire, where this year I did a lot of shopping and let other people tell their stories as much as I could. It was hard to let that happen sometimes, so I suppose you will hear a little of me in those stories if you look at them hard enough.

But the truth is, I have not been much in Faerie over these past few months.

So when I was awakened by a thump (hint: it was me being rolled out of my cosy little bed!) yesterday, I was not best pleased.

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I am not best pleased, I said.

I walked out onto the porch, squinting into the sunlight. “I am not best pleased,” I said.

You are not best pleased? How nice for you.

Uh, oh. I know that voice. “My Lady!” There are few people who would cause me to stop in my tracks and just wonder what I had done wrong, especially since my relationships with my parents (both sets) are somewhat distant at the moment. But of course, this was no person. “How may I attend you?”

Get your blasted Realm in order, for starters. 

I took a breath. But She was not finished.

Oh, don’t come at me with your apologies, and your I’m so tireds. I have just spent most of the night and half the morning retconning your little … wait a minute: do you even know what month it is?

“Um, June?” I said. There. I answered it right.

So it is. And do you know what I have removed from this little realm just this morning?

I swallowed. Then, there was that dizzying sense that you get when a Goddess is picking you up and dragging you several hundred feet to make a point.

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What did you do?

“What did you do?” I exclaimed, as I thumped down into the garden island, and none too gently.

Well, first, I got rid of the goddamned ice skating pond. Then, I got rid of the snow and made the grass regrow. Did you know you have animals on that farm across the water who are still hibernating? 

Oh, right. “Well, I have been really busy, and I guess I thought the Land would just….”

You thought. Really? When has a season ever happened here without your influence? This is a created Realm, Missy, but that’s no excuse to make winter eight months long! 

Eek. She called me “Missy.” She’s going to go full-on Welsh Granny if I’m not careful.

“I’m sorry.”

Sorry does not set the table, Gwyneth. Really. This is your realm; you must be more responsible with it. So. Last night and this morning, after I received complaints finally from some of the demifae in your Realm, I have been greening the place up: you get to do the farm, though. And that godawful city park. And I’m not touching the creepy carousel in the centre of town—what were you thinking with that one?

Again, there was that sense of dizziness.

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I looked over my shoulder.

I looked over my shoulder and saw the still-frozen farm island next to all the middle-of-summer things. “I really am sorry, Lady,” I replied. “It won’t happen again.”

See that it doesn’t. And don’t even think of trying to change yourself this summer. You’re stuck with standard sun kissed Seelie. No fancy hair colours, no special alabaster skin: none of that for you. This year, you get to feel what it’s like to have something imposed on you, like a season, that you cannot control. Perhaps then you’ll be more inclined to treat the smaller creatures in your Realm with something akin to compassion.

I hadn’t even noticed. “I have freckles!” Oh, please, no.

Oh, you poor thing. I guess you’re stuck with those until you decide to make a timely change to Autumn this year. 

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It does look really nice.

“It does look really nice,” I said, only somewhat sullen. “I’m so glad you put in the Shrine of Elistrae. I loved the one in Twilight Spring so much.”

Complimenting me isn’t going to get you out of this, Missy.

“No, My Lady; I didn’t think it would,” I said. “Trees look a little sparse on the garden island; shall I add more?”

It’s your Realm. I only micromanage you when I have to and when the well-being of other beings hangs in the balance.

“I really am….”

Stop apologising! I’ll not accept it, not until I see full-blown Summer here within the day and Autumn make a timely debut no later than twenty-first September; do you hear me? And on that day, there’ll be no silver elf hair for you either, Missy. You can wait ’til Winter again, and I haven’t decided if I’m going to turn you red or brown in September. That can be my little surprise.

“And the freckles?”

Don’t you like them?

I was afraid to answer.

Then, there was only laughter, at first harsh and then fading to wind as She eased Her Presence out of the Realm. Well, great. So much for summer sleep-ins. Guess I’d better go work on that farm.

Style Card:
Dress: Senzafine, Melody Dress (featured at the Vintage Fair, but coming home to the Senzafine Main Store this week!)
Body: Maitreya
Head: LAQ, Noelle Bento Mesh Head
Skin: Lumae, Elvi (in Tone 6). (All current skin lines are just L$100 at the Lumae Main Store!)
Ears: Lumae, Leevi Long Ears
Hair: Exile, Swept Away
Necklace: Rozoregalia, Alugim Necklace (Miss You)
Shoes: Cult, Moon Ribbon Tip Toes

Environment:
Location: Awenia Faerie
Guest House: The Looking Glass, Victorian Dream II
Shrine: Roawenwood, Shrine of Elistraee (special auction item from the 2019 Fantasy Faire)
Gazebo: The Looking Glass, Shrine Tree Conservatory (special auction item from the 2019 Fantasy Faire)
Coffee Wagon: Atomic, Witches’ Brew Gacha
Clock and Benches, RH Design House, Cafe in the Park dacha

The Big Tea

Well, it finally happened. Her Majesty, Queen Gwyneth, Mistress of All She Surveys, had one of her people invite me for a morning tea in the Remembrance Garden.

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Welcome, she said.

“Welcome,” she said, as if it were the most natural thing to be meeting up like this, after all this time. “I know I have promised you a face to face meeting for some time. In that time, I’ve had a lot of things to contend with, and that’s one of the reasons why I simply had you released from the Faery Realm in the Wylds. It had been too long.”

“I’ll say,” I muttered. “I hope you will forgive me for not using all the honourifics and proper forms of address, Gwyneth.”

“Under the circumstances,” she replied, “I think that’s quite understandable. Fenella. Fen.”

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Oh, I did not trust this woman.

I could feel my lips tightening. “How can you even call me that, after what you did to me?” Oh, I did not trust this woman. “You kept me a prisoner. That fucked with my livelihood. A livelihood I had to take up when I was catapulted from our home Realm into  whatever this is.”

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I know it must feel strange

“I know it must feel strange, for this to have waited so long,” Gwyneth said, “but in that time I’ve been busy building a new Realm after having had to abdicate the old one, putting together Awenia, so to speak. And I haven’t left other things out. I’ve searched, now that I have the Internet again, for Richard. For Emma.

“And what about Kevin?”

“Fen, I don’t think he made it,” Gwyneth said. “There was so much blood.”

“I don’t think any of us made it,” I said flatly. “I think we all died and were somehow transported. How else would you explain any of this?”

“Come and sit,” she said. “Let’s have some tea and discuss all of this— or as much as we can possibly get through in a couple of hours, OK? And then, then— I have a proposal for you.”

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Fine, I said.

“Fine,” I said. I came here for tea: might as well have some tea.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Gwyneth said, probably anticipating another angry question from me. “That’s why I’ve waited so long. I didn’t have anything to offer you, any information, any idea of what happened. I had nothing to give you that you’d have valued.”

“And you do now?” I drummed my fingertips on the table.

“What my adoptive Father said to me was that I could never have gotten to the Realm we were in, this series of Realms, without already having Faerie blood in me. I think that has to be the same for you; otherwise you’d have perished.”

Perished?” I snickered. “Who even says that?”

“Hello? PhD in English?”

Then we both laughed, and for a few seconds, it felt like it always did; like we were the best friends in the world and this was just another morning-after tea. And then, there was an awkward silence.

I broke it, finally. “So, you think Richard, Emma, and Kevin might not have had any Fae blood in them.”

“I don’t know what to think,” Gwyneth said. “I remember, not long after I first crossed into Jasper Cove, starting to receive some odd photographs; one was of Richard and me kissing.”

“But that had just happened, before we left the LARP,” I said. “How could you have a print out of something like that?”

“I don’t know,” Gwyneth replied. It felt heavy in the air.

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She’d heard nothing from the others.

“I’ve heard nothing from the others,” she admitted. “Not even a peep, not the slightest indication that they were out there. So, when I finally realised who you were—do you remember that awful radio show?—I had to keep you. I told myself I’d explain it to you, that if two of us were together, we might draw the other two—three.” She hastily corrected herself.

“You really think Kevin didn’t survive.” I looked down at my left hand, the one with Kevin’s ring on it.

Gwyneth leaned forward. “I don’t know,” she said. “I just don’t know.”

I considered.

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that like attracts like.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that like attracts like,” I said. “Somehow, no matter where I end up, other svart alfar find me. And for whatever reason, when I was so confused and upset and everything was going wrong, I ended up on your altar. What’s to say the others won’t, eventually, as well?”

“It’s been years,” Gwyneth said. “Then again, it had been years for you as well.” She rested her elbows on the table, put her chin in her hands. Such a Gwyneth-like gesture. I almost liked her for a minute there. “OK,” she continued. “I have a proposal for you.”

“Should I be scared?” I asked.

“I don’t think so,” she replied. “Awenia will open to the public soon—well, soon is a relative term—and I’d like you to stay here and help Wulfrich with security.”

“Captain Wulfrich?” I responded. “From the Wylds?”

“Yes. He’s a loyal sort,” Gwyneth said. “If what you say is true, like attracting like and all, let’s stick together. Let’s make our story public. Maybe we’ll get some bites if we put out a line with bait.”

“Public?” I said. “I know something happened and the Veils have fallen, but really?”

“Oh, good,” Gwyneth said. “You know about that.”

“Wasn’t hard to deduce,” I replied. “One day I’m operating under cover of secrecy, every Realm a potential landmine, and the next day government agencies are fine with hiring me and I’m allowed to be me, at least some of the time.”

Gwyneth shook her head. “I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you.”

“No, you can’t.” My right hand clenched reflexively into a fist.

Svart will always be welcome here,” Gwyneth said. “I don’t have any illusions about anybody being more evil than anybody else, except in some isolated incidents where a being is more selfish and justifies horrible things more easily than most others. We are all the same, and the public must learn to see us as such.”

“So you put me in a position of some authority, and people will think you’re amazing and open-minded,” I retorted.

“So you stay here, you and I do some magick on the side, and maybe we scry Emma or Richard. Or Kevin.”

“Will you stop talking about Kevin as if he’s dead!” I couldn’t take it any more. “I’ve never taken this ring off, you know.”

“I suspected,” Gwyneth said. “So, do we have a deal?”

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I stood up.

I stood up. “Reservedly,” I said, “we have a deal.” Then I whistled for Harris (yes, I call the dark unicorn Harris), and I just rode away while Her Smug Majesty stood there agape.

I turned away as Fen, or TAC, or whatever I am to call her, rode away on a unicorn of all things. As if life couldn’t get any weirder. Then, I climbed the stairs of the Serenity monument.

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Halfway up, I stopped to think.

Halfway up, I stopped to think. What if she was right about all this? Could we find Richard, Emma and maybe even Kevin? I shook my head. Probably too much to ask for.

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Hope.

But, if there’s any one thing that’s gotta me this far in my unbelievable and fantastical life, it’s Hope. I shall hope.

Style Cards:

The Amazing Catwoman
Body: Maitreya
Head: LAQ Bento Mesh Head, Lulu
Skin: The Plastik: Elvenne Skin, Charcus
Ears: Illusions, Sylph Ears
Hair: Truth, VIP Gaea
Clothes: Noble Creations, Mama Erzule (Available NOW at We Love Roleplay!) (includes hat!)
Eyes: Seydr, Versicolor Eyes, Autumn (Available NOW at We Love Roleplay!)
Necklace: Rozoregalia, Lezato
Ring: Aisling, The Good Wife

Gwyneth
Body: Maitreya
Head: Lelutka, Simone Bento Mesh Head
Skin: 7 Deadly s{K}ins, Monday (Available NOW at The Chapter Four!)
Ears: Swallow, Elf Ears HD
Eyes: Seydr, Versicolor Eyes, Druid (Available NOW at We Love Roleplay!)
Gown: Senzafine, Elswyth (Available NOW at We Love Role-play!)
Hair: Truth, VIP Gwen
Head and Chest adornments: Bauhaus Movement, Susanne Set

Environment
The Serenity Monument: Kaelis Ember, Find Here Amenity
Tea Set: Trine Epiphany, Artisan Tea Set, Summer
Ground Cover: The Looking Glass, Harmony Garden Daisies (Available NOW at Swank!)
Tea Table and Chairs: The Looking Glass, Harmony Garden Tea Time (Available NOW at Swank!)
Bounding Trees (with birdhouses): Harmony Garden Birdhouse Trees (Available NOW at Swank!)
All Poses from The Black Tulip
Facial Expressions Created with Lelutka AXIS

 

 

 

Moonlight And Ravens

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Things just appear.

Things just appear. I guess it goes back to that idea of thoughts being things that I was thinking about yesterday when I discovered the greenhouse. This Realm isn’t growing on its own and coming up fully formed, the way the Wylds did around Janus and me. It’s both more structured and more organic. I pass a place and say, ‘Hm, there should be a tea shop here or something’, and a few days later I’ll notice there’s a tea shop there. That’s a lame example, especially with what I’m about to tell you, but it’s at least simple.

Last night, I was walking the Realm, and I came across this gorgeous tower, just kind of sitting there, lonely on the edge of the water but for the ravens circling it as if it were some kind of beacon. There was a low, pink, full moon that just made me smile. The structure itself reminded me of my old garden bower in the Wylds. I must go back there sometime soon. I began to miss my bower, but more than that, I know I have obligations. I don’t like obligations, and I don’t think I’m very good at fulfilling them, but I also know Mornoth is counting on me, so off I’ll go. Maybe next week. Maybe in a fortnight. But sometime before Beltainne.

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I climbed to the top of the tower…

I climbed to the top of the tower, and suddenly there were ravens swooping everywhere! The moon lit up the clouds, and it seemed the clouds lit up the sky, and there I was, with one raven pecking his head off on the low tower kerb (is it a kerb? I don’t know much about tower architecture, but we’ll call it that!), and it felt like fifty others just randomly swooping down.

I don’t know what possessed me to wear these heels while I was walking around the Realm. They’re not practical. But then, I’m not practical. And a bubble dress is not practical. And ravens aren’t practical, and my own wings aren’t practical, and we could go on until we come to the moon Herself not being practical, and then we’d have insulted a goddess and we’d be answerable to Her, and there would be repercussions.

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But something, something about the tint of the moon, got me thinking along another path.

But something, something about the tint of the moon, got me thinking along another path. What if, what if, as I manifest things round my Realm, as I walk into the future (as we are all walking into the future), what if every moment is a portent?

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Then, I felt the cold spring wind, and I looked toward the gothic structure I’d climbed.

Then, I felt the cold spring wind, and I looked toward the gothic structure I’d climbed. What if every moment is a portent? Stone and spires, trees and ravens, and somehow, yesterday’s growing roses all sifted together in my mind, in my heart, and left me longing for a place I’ve never been. A place where ravens perch and wheel. A place where vines climb like tenacious spirits, like growing souls, ever upwards. A place where dawn meets the moon. A place where roses weep. What sort of place might that be? I pictured myself walking down its wide paths, touching the stones with my hands, pricking my finger on a thorn. And then the funniest thing happened. When I looked down at my hand, there was blood. The raven before me, focused solely on his dinner, did not look up. The ravens above my shoulders did not respond. There were no caws or cries against the wind and the moon at the sight of my blood, fae blood, the kind of blood that can make addicts of vampires and lovestruck puppets of men. I placed my bleeding finger on the stone. And it seemed to me, though I know I did not see it, that a rose grew there.

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And I longed, I did, for a place I’ve never been.

And I longed, I did, for a place I’ve never been. A place that may not even exist—yet.

A place where Ravens Perch.

Style Card:
Body: Maitreya
Head: Catwa, Lona Bento Mesh Head
Hair: Alice Project, Mikayla (Available NOW at Hairology!)
Eyes: Mesange, Bering Eyes (Omega Appliers) (Available NOW at We ❤ Roleplay!)
Ears: Swallow, Elf Ears High Definition
Skin: Lumae, Ella, for Catwa (Available NOW at Skin Fair!)
Hands: Vista, Bento Prohands
Necklace: Rozoregalia, Alugim, Dark Gold
Dress: Bender, Agra Dress, Grey (Available NOW at On9!)
Wings: Lassitude & Ennui, Bento Fairy Wings, Gold/ Purple (Available NOW at We ❤ Roleplay!)
Shoes: ChicChica, Clotilde, Gold

Scene:
Tower: Rivendale, Gothic Tower
Ravens close to Gwyneth: Axix, from the LadyCrow pose set
Swooping Ravens: aQ creating lifestyles, Ravens
Flying Ravens: Souled Out, Free Roaming Murder of Crows
Big Red Tree: Hayabusa Design, Old Tree
Pink Moon: Medieval Fantasy, Giant Full Moon
SimSurround: Landscapes Unlimited, Rolling Hills Large Skybox Environment

Spiffy photos taken with the indispensible aid of my LumiPro. I’d never foreshadow the 2017 Fantasy Faire without it!

Hairology march   lumae-logo   mesange-logo-noir