Short Time

It’s been so long. Yes, as usual, I have spent all my time working. The practical side of faery is no less real than anything else you read, but it does not leave everyone’s favourite svart alfar very much leisure time. This is my last faery tour job before I take a short holiday, and it involves a bit of a journey, so I can tell you a bit about what’s been going on with me: I’m sure you’re all vitally interested.

Setting off in the morning

Awenia’s under re-construction this summer, so I signed up to work on fairytale tours. Fairytale tours are a racket and a half, but they keep me busy and you know how I hate to be bored. This was my last tour of the season, last assignment, even, and it was going to be a piece of piss; just spend a night at Merrywether Cottage while the Faery Aunties were gone to market so this particular fairy tale princess could enter the climax of whatever story the legend matrix picked for her. It’s a complicated spell system, and I’m not sure even the story wizards understand it, but basically my job was to keep her alive and on course long enough for the plot to create itself around her organically. What can I say: it’s not an exact science, and I’m only a stand-in, anyway.

I do really like this horse, though. Her name is Omega, and she has this amazing Aurora coat design. This year, Cinnamon won the contract bid to do all the animal art for the tales, so there have been the most beautiful horses everywhere you look. Obviously I’m biased, but I’ll miss Omega most of all when I have to go back to Awenia to get us ready for autumn tourist season opening.

Forced Perspective

I remember when I visited the Harry Potter studio park when it opened up in Watford Junction. It feels like a lifetime ago now, but it must only have been, what, eight, ten years? Anyway, everything was so close together, and docents explained how camera angles and forced perspective could make everything seem bigger than it was, closer or farther away, that sort of thing. Kevin was nodding away like he understood it all, and he probably did. I nodded too. When you’re immersed in it, it’s easier to realise how you can feel utterly separated from a castle that’s barely fifty yards away if you’re not meant to know it’s there.

This is a roundabout way of saying the ride to the cottage was short and I probably could have had a nice spar with some of the guys in the barracks before I headed out, but the story says it’s a day’s travel, so I took it at its word.

Evidently, the residents did as well, because nobody was home. Garden demifae explained the three fae aunties had gone out to the market early that morning and weren’t expected back and that “Little Fair One” marched out before lunch time with a picnic basket and said she’d be back eventually. Bless their little cotton socks, the fae aunties did not have any benches in their garden, so I liberated Omega from her tack and settled down in a nice forked tree to wait. Luckily, I had some contraband AirPods Pro and my equally if not more contraband iPhone with me, so there was at least some music (I have batteries. Don’t ask).

I fell asleep.

The Omega Full Moon Demifae Fan Club

When I woke up, there were three interesting things.

  1. No tourist.
  2. No fae aunties
  3. Omega was being fawned over by four demifae

I couldn’t really do anything about any of these things.

Well, I could laugh

I could laugh at one of them, so that’s what I chose to do in the moment. Because Omega was soaking it up like the Arabian princess she was. Don’t get me wrong, I do miss Awenia’s beautiful unicorns, especially my favourite dark chocolate unicorn of train station fame, but if I’m honest I’d just about swap my whole summer’s wages if they’d let me take this horse back home with me. I’m sure Gwyneth wouldn’t mind. We’ve got plenty of land for fae horses, and the tourists love them.

As the moon began to set, I started to worry, though. Surely the aunties should have been back by now. I didn’t want to take the demifae away from their new toy, and a few minutes more in a fairy tale wouldn’t hurt anyone, so I let it be.

“Don’t worry,” said a gravelly voice.

The Legend Matrix

“The fuck are you?” As an aside, when you jump half out of your skin, coming down hard onto the split trunk of the tree you’ve been dozing in for something like six hours hurts like fuhuhuhuhuck.

And then there was a gravelly laugh. “Well, you’re new, aren’t you? I’m the legend matrix. You didn’t wonder why there are so many dragons with polyhedral dice everywhere along the fairytale tour routes?

OK, I had actually noticed that.

I bit my lip. “Thought you were a fucking design feature,” I said.

“You are not entirely incorrect,” said the dragon. “I suppose you could say I am the central design feature.” He laughed again. It sounded a little bit like if a puppet made entirely out of paving stones had an asthma attack. I guess if you’re the central design feature, you get to laugh at your own jokes.

“So I shouldn’t worry?”


I was going to worry anyway.

“Nothing to worry about at all.”

“And why’s that?”

The glowing D20 slowed, stopped, and began to spin in the opposite direction. “She came to me and asked me to,” and then there was some static and a voice played back through what must have been a speaker somewhere in the dragon’s abdomen, “Just get me out of here, OK? This is not what I paid for!” Some static. “And so I did.”

I paused. “You didn’t send her home did you?” I could foresee that lawsuit.

“Of course not.” The D20 slowed again. “I am the central design feature of the legend matrix, not the all-powerful dragon god of the multiverse. That would require additional upgrades.”

Of course. “So what did you do?”

“I created her plot, of course. She seemed to want to spend her entire fairy tale tour in a castle, so I sent her to one.”

I frowned. “I mean, don’t they usually start off as peasant girls or get kidnapped or something?”

Another gravelly laugh. “When they’re the real protagonists, yes. But when they’re merely the prize to be won, sure, they can live in the castle. But rest assured, I have followed her form to the letter. She will live in a castle and have many servants. She will wear fine dresses and dance at many balls. And in the end, she will marry a prince. So what if she has to kiss a few frogs first? She didn’t specifically exclude it.”

And that’s why I bought a miniature copy of the official fairy tale tour guardian dragon statue in the gift shop before I took myself and my salary (codename Omega) through the realm portal back to Awenia.

Sometimes, even my crap summer jobs have happy endings.

Stay safe out there in the human hinterlands,
The Amazing Catwoman

Notes & Credits:
Enchantment closes today! It’s your last chance to see the beautiful build, enjoy the atmosphere, and grab some Sleeping Beauty souvenirs while they’re all in one place to take home to your own castle. Even if you’ve already been, you probably missed something: it’s an event full of wonderful stuff, beautifully and lovingly designed, and always full of wonder.

Enchantment items featured here:
Omega’s Skin: Cinnamon, Aurora Teeglepet skin (also comes in versions for Jinx Centaur and Waterhorse; matching wings are also available for your Teeglepet Pegasus)
TAC’s circlet: Air, Thorns Crown Gold
Demifae Fan Club: Titans, The Aurora Fae
Guardian Dragon: Cerridwen’s Cauldron, The Guardian Statue

Other Amazing Stuff:
TAC’s stunning new Drow Skin: Wyrd, Nightshade (This is at the Wyrd Main Store, and I cannot tell you how over the moon I am to have been the first person to test this amazing graphite/purple drow skin. It is perfect, and perfectly TAC)
Head: Lelutka Evolution, Nova
Body: Maitreya
Hair: Sintiklia, Connor
Ears: Andore, Hu-gu
Eyes: Yoshi, Alina (I’ve recently fallen madly in love with Yoshi eyes; expect to see lots of them here)
Clothes: Jangka, Hawkeyes outfit black, and Hawkeyes boots black
Castle: Harshlands, Devonshire Castle Keep
Omega Herself, Teeglepet, Arabian

A Fortnight in Farthingdale

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The Amazing Catwoman:

My sojourn in the gorgeous forest that I may make a home in was once again interrupted by another phone call from my fixer. His name, or the name he gives me anyway, is Jeremy.

Perfect job for me, a two week guard gig at a Mabon festival in the large town of Farthingdale, in some Realm on the mediaeval side of things. No idea about the accommodation, simple portal outside of town, meet with the Chief of Guards, get your assignment, settle in, and watch for brigands, keep the townspeople from getting too crazy during the big Mabon festival they hold there on the day of the Autumnal Equinox, the 21st of September. Stick around a few days after it’s done to take care of stragglers. No problem; I like mediaeval gigs, as long as I’m not forced to drink crap lager and engage in arm wrestling matches with local ruffians who can’t seem to stomach the idea of a woman in armour that doesn’t make her look like she’s about to go subdue monsters with her baps.


Of course I took the gig.

Of course I took the gig. Portal landed me there sometime in the late morning, but it was nearly noon by the time the Guard Chief had me all checked out. It’s surprising, really, how much bureaucracy there is in backwater mediaeval Realms: it’s almost like they’re so bored they have to create paperwork in order to give their lives some meaning.


Guard cabins, I was told, were outside the city gates, natch, beyond the big statue of the lady harper.

Guard cabins, I was told, were outside the city gates, natch, beyond the big statue of the lady harper. So off I went. My hovel was the first one on the right. Apparently that means I’m the first of the hired help to arrive this Mabon season. I suppose I should thank Jeremy for giving me the downlow on the job early: otherwise I might be stuck in a tent in the woods. Not that I mind tent camping, mind you, but while I was ready to be in a tent for a fortnight, I do prefer someplace with a cot. Of course, the cabins looked pretty ramshackle, though the roofs were well-thatched.


Ah, Hovel, Sweet Hovel, at least for the next couple of weeks.

Ah, Hovel, Sweet Hovel, at least for the next couple of weeks. There were only three or four more identical-looking cabins spaced evenly on the road out of town; that is, before the road dead-ended into thick forest. There are always thick forests surrounding villages like this: otherwise highwaymen would never make their cut and the local economy would flounder.


I paused briefly before entering Hovel, Sweet Hovel.

I paused briefly before entering Hovel, Sweet Hovel. I might have said a brief prayer to Her Whom I worship, just to beg briefly for running water and decent tea-making facilities. It’s not like I can ask for more, gig like this.


I have to say, I was stunned when I walked in.

I have to say, I was stunned when I walked in. These little places usually have a weird sense of style, and this one was no different—but it was bigger than it looked on the outside, and I don’t think it was magic: I think it might have just been good engineering and the fact that a single large room looks bigger than a bunch of smaller ones tacked together by a long corridor and a series of narrow doorways. The English could learn a bit about open plan homes by just looking at places like these. Not that they would.


My new temporary home sported running water and decent washing facilities!

My new temporary home sported running water and decent washing facilities! And the bed, while narrow and absolutely meant for one person (no hanky panky for you guards at our revels, missy!), looked comfortable. I dumped my pack between the end of the bed and the washbasin: I’d unpack later into the cabinets in what looked to be a decently equipped washroom cabinet….even if it did have a picture of two pelicans just staring at me. Not quite as weird as The Morrigan sort of staring over my bed with her Bad Raven Self, but you learn to shut things out when you have to stay in as many weird places as I do.


And speaking of weird…. let me tell you about the kitchen.

And speaking of weird…. let me tell you about the kitchen. So, I’m used to these out-of-the-way Realms being full of what I’d think of as anachronisms, but never before have I seen what amounted to a modern flat kitchen just sort of slapped into a stone hut with a thatched roof. Running water, glassware and crockery for four, a hob with a usable kettle, and, Oh, Thank You Goddess, decent tea! Once again, it was definitely made for one: there’s only a stool and a tiny table for eating, but fuck it; I don’t like people much anyway, particularly when I’ve already been told I have to masquerade as a lios alfar for the next fourteen days. No glamour-dropping here, though I may change up my skin just to give myself a little giggle.


That said, aside from the two ends, the cabin was strangely bare.

That said, aside from the two ends, the cabin was strangely bare. I wonder if they repurpose it for different things throughout the year: there were some scuff marks on the floor that suggested at least one large piece of furniture had been recently removed. Again, there was no couch, just a single armchair with a huge stack of books beside it. I guess I’m definitely being told what to do with my down time, eh?


Nope, I do not look a thing like Her Morriganness.

Nope; I do not look a thing like Her Morriganness. And once I’d had a chance to investigate, I realised the privacy screen between the bed and the rest of the cabin was, well. Not all that private.


Still, it could be worse. I could be in a tent in the woods….

Still, it could be worse. I could be in a tent in the woods, sharing a kettle with a brace of trolls from Goddess knows where and digging latrines a ladylike distance away from aforementioned brace of trolls.


The next two weeks might not be so bad, after all….

The next two weeks might not be so bad, after all….

Style Card:
Body: Maitreya
Head: LAQ, Trinity
Ears: Gauze, High Elf Ears, Naturals
Eyes: Avi-Glam, Elysian Eyes, Ivy
Skin: 7 Deadly s{K}ins, Maeve (Freckled), in tone Oak (Available through the Buy Now event, a Second Life Marketplace event that offers exclusive items on Marketplace. The skin comes with Omega face appliers, Omega body appliers, Slink hand and feet appliers, Tango breast appliers, and Phatazz booty appliers. Other appliers are available at the 7 Deadly s{K}ins Main Store.)
Hair: Tukinowaguma, Aloisi (available at Hairology!)
Clothes: Moon Elixir, Rebel Pants & Top in Cocoa (Available at We❤ RP!)
Boots: Illi, Brown Archer Boots
Ring: Aisling, The Good Wife
Necklace: Sweet Lies, Triskel Medallion
Poses (In order):
An Lar, Marilyn Series 5
!bang, Taurus 1
!bang, Taurus 3
!bang, Taurus 4
!bang, Taurus 5
Bauhaus Movement, Shattered Minds 20
Bauhaus Movement, Shattered Minds 23
Bauhaus Movement, Shattered Minds 28
Bauhaus Movement, Luna, 31
!bang, Stand 350
Location Details:
Tree Gate: Sweet Revolutions
Town Gate: Stormwood
Town: Death Row Designs
Forest: Studio Skye
Harper Lady Statue: Death Row Designs
Guard Cabin: Khaleesi’s Shin~Anigans Store, Viking Hut (Available at the Spoonful Of Sugar Event!) The Spoonful of Sugar event is a charity event to benefit Doctors Without Borders, an amazing charity that sends doctors all over the world to change and improve people’s lives.
Room Divider: Fetch
Bed: Aisling
Wash Stand with Shelf & Sink: Noble Creations
Charcoal Wash Stand: Magic Happens By Monavie (Available at the Spoonful Of Sugar Event!) The Spoonful of Sugar event is a charity event to benefit Doctors Without Borders, an amazing charity that sends doctors all over the world to change and improve people’s lives.
Kitchen: Trompe Loeill
Morrigan Tapestry: The Rabbit Hole
Armchair with Books: 8f8
Spiffy photos taken with the indispensible aid of my LumiPro. The Amazing Catwoman never takes a two-week gig in the middle of nowhere for a raucous Mabon Festival without it!

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