Oh, The Hill. Colours just seem brighter there. Light seems to come from all directions. Animals and tiny creature frolic. It made me want to frolic, too. And then, of course, there is the music. At the Great Faire, music comes from all directions. Sometimes it’s contemplative and thoughtful, but last night, there was dance music. As I walked into The Hill to prepare for the Great Fae Parade, I could not contain the desire to dance.
I felt saturated with colour and sound! And suddenly, I forgot all the things that made me unhappy. I forgot about leaving the Wylds. I forgot about everything but my body, the rhythm, the desire to move.
It felt so good to be completely aware of my body. Too often, I think, I live in my head; it’s probably my academic background, my distance from my own emotions (I think that’s the Sidhe influence).
This year, I have been having fun at the Faire. I know every year I have fun shopping, but I’ve spent a lot of time finding myself at these Faires. I remember experiencing my development from my mortal shell into the Sidhe I was born to be, four years ago at my first Faire. And then there was the process of becoming a Queen during that Faire as well. My second Faire was fraught with relationship difficulties, hiding from the Gypsy Davey, avoiding The Amazing Catwoman. I still need to discuss our share history with her. It’s so hard to believe that she was once my best friend. Now, we seem to circle one another with distrust. I think she is afraid I will hate her. Or maybe she just doesn’t care any more. I wonder if she is at this Faire. She has been a guard at the Faire for events; it may be that she has found work here again.
It was even fun to lose my balance! I fell, laughing, to the grass, then danced my way to another of the rooftops, closer to the sea. The sky was impossibly blue. The grass was impossibly green. My skin, covered with bright festival paint, seemed to glow in the sunlight. And suddenly, I felt a sharp knife of desire in my belly.
For just a moment, I was lonely. Sharply, horribly, lonely. It isn’t that my love for Nathaniel has dimmed. It’s just that my Sidhe self, my sensual body, has the touch hunger, all the time, and I, I push it down because my mortal background says love is more important than sensuality and sex. But there I was, in the happy sunshine of The Hill, desiring nothing more than a lover, a beautiful Sidhe lover. A faery man with the ability to engage my body and my emotions and my mind at the same time. A soft and beautiful interlude. A woman with soft lips. Skin on skin. The smell of sweat and hair, long hair, falling around my face in a curtain.
Nathaniel, of course, knows that I have had other lovers. These have often been matters of the Land; they’ve often felt like obligations. Every time I gave myself to Maric, I knew that deep down, we did not really even like each other, that when it was all over, the night, the festival, the need to recreate the magic of the land, all that would remain—but between Maric and me, there was nothing. He was impenetrable as a soul, impossible for me to understand. I was shocked when I mourned him, shocked when his loss was the catalyst that made me just not want to be Queen any more.
I could have loved Mornoth, but he entered my life when I was already halfway gone from the Wylds. The war drained me, drained us all, and I didn’t want to live in a world of war.
That’s why the Faire, The Hill, is so wonderful. The spirit of love and camaraderie fills me with joy and desire. Joy and desire. That’s what’s been missing, missing from my life. Joy and desire.
And as I stood on The Hill, waiting for my fellow Faire Fae, I made a decision.
This year, this year. This year I’ll be open to love.
Head: Catwa, Lona Bento Mesh Head
Hair: Wasabi Pills, Raven (Available NOW at The 2017 Second Life Fantasy Faire!)
Eyes: Mesange, Iram Eyes (Omega Appliers) (Available NOW at On9!)
Ears: Swallow, Elf Ears High Definition
Skin: The Plastik, Koie, Catwa, Maitreya, and SLink appliers, in the RFL Hope shade (Available NOW at The 2017 Second Life Fantasy Faire!)
Dress: Paper Moon, Honeysuckle Fairy (Available NOW at The 2017 Second Life Fantasy Faire!)
Feet: SLink, Pointe Feet
Shoes: Candy Crunchers, Dreamer Wraps
Location: The 2017 Second Life Fantasy Faire, The Hill, Sponsored Solarium/Titans.
Spiffy photos taken with the indispensible aid of my LumiPro. I’d never blog Fantasy Faire without it!