by Lord Bartleby von Tinkleton, Esq., Guest Columnist.
Of course there have been rumours that I’ve recently chosen to spend time in the Fae Realm of Awenia.
I admit, I had lunch there. And in fact, I have grown quite fond of the Realm, which was first brought to my attention when an acquaintance suggested I consider interring my Grandsire, Lord Muffin von Tinkleton, in the delightful Cat Heaven that seems to have appeared there when The Author’s beloved cat passed away.
So, yes. I have been spending time in the Fae Realm of Awenia.
And Her (more gothly than I expected) Fae Majesty, Queen Gwyneth, gave me a lovely tour.
In fact, she was solicitous. Strangely solicitous. So solicitous, in fact, that I briefly wondered if she might be a collector of exotic, noble felines with a great deal of power and influence. Obviously, this has proven to be completely untrue.
However, the time I’ve spent in the Realm has convinced me that it’s a good place for me to be.
There. I’ve admitted it. Are you satisfied now, fae paparazzi? Are you satisfied now, FaeWatch? You and your cronies, always poking into my business. Cecilia, scratch this paragraph when you edit this, please? I don’t want to look like a raging lunatic; just a delightful eccentric. Thank you.
Yes, yes, and it was a convivial lunch with Her Majesty that convinced me.
The Realm, she explained, could always use more cats.
You do have some cats already, I said. You have many cats experiencing the joys of the afterlife, for example. And there are some… (I admit I held my nose) of those Forest-y cats in the island with all the book stuff.
The book forest, she said by way of correction.
Whatever, I said. You need someone like me. I will bring a level of jauntiness and sophistication to your Realm.
My mobile pinged. I ignored it.
Have you thought about where you’d like to live? asked Her Majesty.
Clearly, I explained, I must have the highest possible domicile. A place wherein I could look down on everyone, pouncing optional.
She pointed out what she described as the lovely little guesthouses they make available to some visiting dignitaries.
You could have the top flat, she promised.
For at least half the year? I wondered.
And that’s the highest point.
The highest point that’s really available as a domicile.
What, I asked, about that lovely treehouse there?
You mean the designated Residence For Foreign Royals? she asked.
I adjusted my hat.
In the end, I agreed that I would live there, for at least six months out of the year, with a few small accommodations. The Salon now has a piano where a poor, shorthaired cat can sing the songs of our people.
I must have a proper cat tree, of course.
And, after I only had to request it once, Her Majesty had her personal photographer, Bran, create this portrait of me that now hangs above the salon fireplace.
Don’t I look dapper? All in all, I am quite happy with how things are progressing, and I am sure we will continue in our mutually satisfying relationship, Her Majesty and I.
Cecilia, once you have transcribed this, would you please change my pesking phone number? I am very tired of those calls I keep getting from that fellow I hired to sort out the finances. He seems very predisposed to panicking over small things. I did tell him at the time that I didn’t care what happened to Mummy’s house as long as I had the patent on those catnip strains. How much more clear could I have been? And send up that boy who gives the nice chin scratches. Thank you.
Lord Bartleby von Tinkleton himself: HEXtraordinary, Lord Bartleby von Tinkleton, animesh cat available at The Engine Room until 20 October
The Dress: 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Black Magic Woman, available at Salem
The Boots: 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Riveter Boots, available at Salem
The Stockings: 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Drusilla Stockings, available at Lootbox
The Skin: Ritual, Nimue, available at the Ritual Main Store
The Hair: Wasabi Pills, Astra, which is available now at Uber
The Eyeshadow: Veechi, Evil Queen Eyeshadow
The Lipstick, Pink Fuel, Silky Shine True Red
The Ears: Swallow, Elf Ears High Definition
The Eyes: Tone 2, Autumn Mist Eyes (at Uber)
The Tattoo: Stardust, Misty (Night) (at Uber)
The Location: Awenia Faerie, Landing Point, Bridge to Remembrance, The Treehouse
The Poses: Bauhaus Movement, NoiseBastardZ series
The Body: Maitreya
The Head: Genus Project, Baby Face
Much of the decor is from The Looking Glass, including the bridges, the gazebo, lots of the trees, the furniture in the salon. The coffee cart is from Atomic, the Witches Brew Gacha. The treehouse itself is from LAQ.