It all started one night, early in the Great Fantasy Faire, when I and some of my favourite beings had arranged to meet at a favourite skin-painter and fantasy clothing and jewellery maker, The Plastik. I arrived first, of course (I’m always early, despite what they say about me). The atmosphere inside the store in the Realm of Chaddul Ro was festive, to say the least, and I found myself caught up in the happy clamour of the crowd. Eventually, I began to wonder where they all were, so I went outside to wait for them.
I waited patiently near the store’s distinctive signpost. The crowds grew thicker, and I’m sure they simply didn’t hear me when I called their names. One by one, they came out to meet me. At this point, I realised they were all deer. OK, they were adorable, diminutive deer, but deer nonetheless.
“Are you aware,” I asked, “that you are all, um, deer?”
“Well, you’re one to talk,” said WrenDeer. “Look at you: you’re like Fairy Princess Tiara Deer.”
“I am not!” I retorted.
“Hate to break it to you,” said RivenDeer, “But I’m afraid it’s true. MoxyDeer, do you have a mirror on you somewhere?”
MoxyDeer had a mermaid crown and a fetching fin. “What, you think we actually carry hand mirrors around with us?” She made a face. “Talk to DyisiDeer: she’s got mirrored sunglasses.”
I had only to stare into DyisiDeer’s round sunglasses to realise what they were saying was true: I, too, was an adorable, diminutive deer. “Well, aren’t we all so cute!” I said.
KitoriDeer made a rude noise. It might have been a burp, or perhaps it was someone else’s voice. “I am not cute,” she declared. “I am possessed by the souls of my enemies, and I shall not rest until they are defeated.”
Nobody thought to ask her who her enemies were. We all decided we should just continue our plans to explore the Fairelands together. Perhaps we would find a way to regain our former shapes soon enough. Or at least find some good grass.
We found ourselves in the Mystical Realm of Raven’s Perch.
We all look a little confused. But the roses were mighty tasty.
What a lovely setting. With nice, dewy grass and a topping of autumn leaves. Also, rose petals! These Fairelands were pretty nice!
Soon, we would have to leave these beautiful dark meadows and move into another Realm. But where would our adventure take us next?
Soon we found a flock of goats to blend in with! No one would ever suspect that we weren’t part of their merry band of mischief!
At which point I noticed that DyisiDeer had acquired an anteater. Well… I guess we’d be great at picnics, then.
Here’s DyisiDeer, KitoriDeer, and MoxyDeer enjoying an awkward family picnic photograph. Well. I think MoxyDeer’s unicorn was enjoying it—look at that cheeky goat plying her with food! MoxyDeer and DyisiDeer both look a little nervous, if you ask me. KitoriDeer, on the other hand, looks as if she might be explaining, in detail, how to eviscerate fellow deer and devour their livers.
“Fight the power!” DyisiDeer replied. “It’s my pumpkin cart now. And oh, my little green seeds, these pumpkins? You guys have got to taste these!”
Elsewhere, MoxyDeer stalked rabbits. I’m not sure she got that “herbivore” memo. Luckily, as we were all deer, tiny, adorable deer, we could understand the language of Forest Creatures.
“Help! Help!” cried Vanilla Rabbit. “That MerDeer is going to eat us!”
“Calm your cottontail,” replied Chocolate Bunny. “You will notice that her eyes are firmly on that pumpkin cart over there. Before they’re done, all the deer will be orange, and the meadow grass shall be ours!”
He wasn’t wrong. Let’s just say I was very, very glad to see a river between this realm and our next destination.
Except of course that we were all full of pumpkin by this time and maybe we shouldn’t have been in swimming for at least an hour, but we pretty much all curled up and went to sleep. I’m not sure how long we slept.
There was WrenDeer, and NateDeer, and GwenDeer and DyisiDeer. NateDeer fell asleep before we were done planning our evening. WrenDeer said she was going upstairs to get her PJs, but she never returned. To this day, we have never seen WrenDeer again. Nobody knows what happened to RivenDeer, either. Perhaps she was taken away to the Fairy Fairelands by her little Tesla horn ornament. That might sound naughtier than I meant it to be.
What happened next was KitoriDeer told us that if we didn’t get moving on to the rest of the Fairelands, she would personally serve our lungs to her demonic overlords.
Without checking to find out who her demon overlords actually were, we swiftly ran, as only a herd can run, toward our next destination: Dawn’s Promise.
I could almost forget that I was standing next to KitoriDeer, who had a knife that could cut me.
All my worries and fears were briefly resolved when AraDeer showed up in very sexy horns and wings. My heart leapt at the thought of leaping with him. I even left a big patch of flowers uneaten right next to me in hopes he’d come over and talk to me.
I say my worries and fears were briefly resolved because on AraDeer’s tail, KaeDeer arrived. Now, it’s true, she has very sexy horns and an equally sexy tail, but evil glowed red in her eyes, and her dark wings beat with the sound of two or three tortured souls. Don’t want to hyperbolise.
Nevermind that KitoriDeer had now begun stalking the peacocks by the Dawn’s promise Special Hippie Tie-Dye Gazebo. At least I think that’s what it’s called. My adorable pegasus and I were just enjoying the wind on the meadow, while at the same time steadfastly avoiding KaeDeer’s dark but undeniably attractive gaze.
Well, most of us, that is. At this point, I began to wonder if KaeDeer wasn’t just slightly upset that she wasn’t getting her soul quota or something, because that stare of hers was becoming downright unnerving.
“Luckily,” I replied, “We are blocking it with our rear ends.”
Meanwhile, KaeDeer, well, grazed peacefully. I deerhmfed in her general direction. Some demon overlady she turned out to be!
Look at her leap! Her lion’s mane is so attractive! If only she weren’t, well, leaping right into the path of KaeDeer. I wasn’t close enough to warn her, but I know she has street smarts: she is an adorable, diminutive deer, after all.
As she frolicked, I grazed my way unobtrusively across from where KaeDeer was grazing, as much as it unsettled me. AraDeer trotted round the front of the bathtub, perhaps to come to her rescue as well. Of course, it could have been the rabbit behind KaeDeer. We may never know the truth.
“Kittens!” I cried. And lo! There were kittens.
But no deer should eat other deer for lunch.
I say again, herbivores, people! (I mean, deer!)
A kitten bar, where adorable, diminutive deer could come and fill their wells of cuteness.
Even KaeDeer eventually succumbed. “Oh, Em, Gee, you guys are so cuuuute!” she cried. “Fuck’s sake!”
Ah, my work here was done. It was time to visit The Rose.
In The Rose, everything is ordered. It is like a large, formal garden that you are allowed to shop in. Also, there is a nice grazing meadow up on the top of the Realm.
And, we acquired a new herd member! LilaDeer joined us then, wearing beautiful dark glasses and a fetching cane (which he wore fetchingly in his antlers and might have used as a weapon, had we been in dire need).
We wished to graze the gardens until our bellies were full, but we felt ourselves becoming more and more ordered. Someone suggested we dance the CanCan, and at that point, I knew it was time to visit The Spirit Pool.
Some of them have lanterns. And some of them have tentacles. It was interesting to see which guardian we chose. How odd that the majority of our now-growing herd chose the the Tentacle Guardian. Only KitoriDeer chose the Lantern Guardian. I don’t really know what that means. I found this whole segment very confusing. KaeDeer said it was something about wisdom. I said, “Let’s go for a swim.” Everybody else screamed, “Later! We want to sit on this Tentacle Guardian a little bit longer.”
Well, I mean, they. I’m not in this picture.
We are all one herd. Therefore, I look majestic, too.
“Hey, guys!” LilaDeer and I called. “Come over here; it’s like a Mer birthday cake, and we’re the antlered candles!”
“Hey, guys?” I called. “LilaDeer, I don’t think they’re listening.”
“DyisiDeer,” MikaDeer said, very gently and kindly, “I don’t know if you know this, but sand’s gonna hurt your stomach. You can’t graze down here.”
DyisiDeer released a stream of bubbles as she replied, “Well, logically I shouldn’t be able to breathe down here either, but, yeah. It’s magic, MikaDeer.”
MikaDeer impressed us all by surrounding herself with a beautiful bubble. “I can breathe logically!”
I was jealous.
“Not all of us,” replied MikaDeer.
I deersighed. “DyisiDeer,” I said. “Grazing.”
“I totally have the munchies,” DyisiDeer said.
“Hey, let’s go on to the next Realm,” I said. “We don’t want a sick DyisiDeer. KaeDeer might– oh, wait. KaeDeer must have been sucked into the void.”
“There was a void?” asked LilaDeer.
“Yeah, totally,” I said. “Come on.”
And then, we were off to Mudrana.
Nevermind that there was a frog screaming at me. He was not a nice frog. Reluctantly, I left the beautiful lily pad and went to the big lily pad where everyone else was frolicking.
“I don’t like it here,” said LilaDeer. “It’s wet.”
“I think we should go swimming again,” said MikaDeer.
Three deer said in unison, “No grazing underwater, DyisiDeer!”
Luckily for MikaDeer, the next Realm held many underwater treasures.
From Mudrana, we crossed the lily pads and dove into the underwater paradise of Opal’s Flight.
Of course, being adorable, diminutive deer, we mostly stood around staring and being slightly confused. Except for KitoriDeer, who seemed convinced that the world should see her tail. “KitoriDeer,” I said, “Have you no shame?”
“Shame?” She cried. “Shame? Look at my tail! My tail is amazing!”
Unfortunately, as adorable, diminutive deer, we couldn’t find any really good adjectives to describe it.
“Do deer eat fish?” asked AraDeer.
“No,” said MikaDeer. “We are herbivores. Did you not get that memo?”
“I am,” LilaDeer declared once again, “tired of swimming. Can we please go somewhere hot and dry:”
“Happy to oblige,” I said, having seen the Map. “I happen to know that the next Realm is called Fallen Sands.”
In Fallen Sands, we frolicked until we were very tired, then found the most amazing gift: a snowman, half-melted, upon the desert sands.
As it turns out, snowmen are totally tasty. I kid you not. DyisiDeer perched upon the umbrella while the rest of us grazed the snowman. LilaDeer just laid back and enjoyed the sun. “More, more!” he said.
“I think the next Realm is some kind of city,” I said.
“Woot!” said KitoriDeer. “Garbage! Cities are full of the best stuff to eat!”
DyisiDeer wrinkled her nose. “And you thought I was weird for grazing underwater!”
“Is it far?” asked MikaDeer.
“Just around that corner,” I said. “It’s so weird how everything changes in the blink of an eye here isn’t it?”
Everybody nodded. Being adorable, diminutive deer, we are OK with not needing to restate everything in our own words. Also, we have small vocabularies.
But something about KitoriDeer’s third eye just kept weirding me out.
The caption is, “No, mom, we totally aren’t going to throw a party with beer and deer of the appropriate and attractive gender while you are away in Deertopia for that couples’ rutting weekend.”
Not only did we have a party with beer and deer of the appropriate and attractive gender, we also found a car! While AraDeer and LilaDeer argued over who should drive, I envisioned myself as a sexy hood ornament. MikaDeer climbed into the back seat and took a nap.
I… KitoriDeer was very interested in the blood splatter on the pavement.
“I don’t think San Mora is a very wholesome city.”
“Doubtless,” replied KitoriDeer. “Garbage looks hazardous, though. Better lick up this blood before my hooves fall off from radiation poisoning or something.”
I stared at KitoriDeer. “What did you say?” I asked.
She repeated the sentence verbatim.
I was still confused.
What joy to pretend to be pirates. LilaDeer and I took the helm, although I’m pretty sure it was My Little Pegasus doing the actual steering.
AraDeer and MikaDeer inspected the supplies, while DyisiDeer undertook stewarding duties and maintained she was the only one smart enough to be the ship’s doctor. Suddenly, I was even more confused than usual. “Has anybody seen KitoriDeer?” I wondered.
“She said she had a special errand to run and that she’d be back soon,” replied MikaDeer with a shrug. “I wasn’t gonna ask.”
“Probably for the best,” AraDeer agreed.
“Why is she even in our herd, if we aren’t sure whether or not she’s going to murder us?” wondered LilaDeer.
“Because she’s in the herd,” DyisiDeer said. “We are a herd.”
“What does that even mean?” I really wanted to know.
“It means we stick together and stuff,” replied DyisiDeer. “And we find good grazing, keep each other safe from bad stuff, that kind of thing.”
“Is it wrong to be sort of homesick and sentimental for the every deer for himself kind of creed?” LilaDeer wanted to know.
“Yes,” said AraDeer.
And over the sweet, beginning chords of a cheap karaoke track, KitoriDeer, drunkenly off-key, began to sing:
Every night, in my dreams
I see you, I feel you….
“I hate that fucking song,” said LilaDeer.
I looked at DyisiDeer. DyisiDeer looked at me. As if compelled, we began singing along.
LilaDeer looked at Aradeer. “I’m sure we could figure out these cannons.”
MikaDeer obliged them all by firing the cannons, except of course this is Fantasy Faire. So of course the cannons went off in perfect rhythm with KitoriDeer’s singing and DyisiDeer and my singing along and the karaoke track.
At one point, I shouted at AraDeer, “It’s karaoke! You have to sing along.”
“No,” said AraDeer. “I do not.”
“Help me set the ship on fire,” suggested LilaDeer.
“No setting the ship on fire!” screamed MikaDeer. “That would be wrong, and they’d never let us back into the Fairelands if we did that!”
Near, far, wherever you are (sang KitoriDeer)
I believe that the heart does go on (sang DyisiDeer and me)
“Goddamn it,” said AraDeer, and sang,
Once more, you open the door….
And then there was a loud bang and we found ourselves on the outskirts of Anansi.
“OK, I am not sure about this Realm,” admitted DyisiDeer, who had recovered from Titanic Karaoke very smoothly. The only thing I’ll admit was I was still humming. “There’s a freaky clown face up here somewhere,” she continued.
“I think we can avoid that,” said KitoriDeer. She, too, had recovered admirably. She was studying the map over my shoulder. I could feel the handle of her knife (yes, the bloody one) against my neck. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna cut you,” she said.
“I wasn’t worried,” I said. I’m sure I sounded totally sincere.
MikaDeer made an affirmative noise. “Yeah, if we go around this way, we can avoid scary clown face. I think it’s all art back here.”
“Art?” AraDeer was interested. “Art is cool.”
And in fact, there was art everywhere. Adorable unicorn houses. Obtuse buildings. Several exclamations of, “What the fuck is that? I love it!” and “Seriously? Who puts teal and pink together?”
In the end, the very end, we found ourselves compelled to be art ourselves.
“Stop shoving!” said LilaDeer. “KitoriDeer, you are on my head.”
“You better be glad I’m not on your ass,” said KitoriDeer with a (more than usually) maniacal laugh.
“I’m GwenDeer’s blanket,” said DyisiDeer.
“You people just don’t understand how to be comfortable,” MikaDeer declared as she sat complacently in her pirate hat, hogging the blankets.
Monkeys chittered. They may have been advancing on us.
“I don’t think the monkeys are really happy with us,” I said.
AraDeer looked at the monkeys. He looked at GwenDeer, DyisiDeer, MikaDeer, LilaDeer, and KitoriDeer. “I’m on a horse,” he said.
We ended our tour where most Fairelands tours begin, in the Fairelands Junction.
I had a chance to get a photograph of MikaDeer in her spiffy pirate’s hat!
“These trees are huge,” she said, with her mouth full.
“I think we are due at least one last bit of frolicking, I said.
“I agree,” said AraDeer.
“Frolicking is good,” said KitoriDeer.
There was serious frolicking. There was lighthearted frolicking. There might even have been cavorting.
And that, my friends, is the story of Deer and Loafing in the Fairelands, every word of which I swear is as true as possible, under the circumstances.
We would like to sincerely thank Vae of The Plastik for The Plastik Deera Gacha, the most fun we have had in many a month. Thanks are also due to Wren, who arrive at out initial deer meet up in a hat and inspired the rest of us to bling our deer. If you haven’t made the trip to The Plastik‘s Fantasy Faire Store on Chaddul Ro to play this gacha, you really should. Or, you know, you could always IM us in world; most of us have, erm, a few extras if you want some commons.
GwenDeer: Gwen Enchanted
MoxyDeer: Moxy Macbeth
KitoriDeer: Kitori Unplugged
WrenDeer: Wren Darling (Dickensiandreamer)
RivenDeer: Riven (lrriven)
NateDeer: Nathaniel Ballard (BenBold)
AraDeer: Arahaelon (Giovanni Tiepolo)
KaeDeer: Kae (Kaelis Ember)
LilaDeer: Lilacor (Zoasa Viper)
Every single shopping Region in the 2017 Fantasy Faire, with the additions of Opal Flight (entertainment region) and Fairelands Junction.
Photographed and written by Gwen Enchanted. Thanks to the players, my best friends in Second Life and indeed in any Life, for joining with me for three nights of complete madness and mayhem as we took the Fairelands by stampede!
Spiffy photos taken with the indispensible aid of my LumiPro. I’d never blog Fantasy Faire without it!