Three Twisted Knots

So far, it has been a hard Spring. On the Equinox, Maric left our world, leaving me as the sole ruler of Faerie, me and the doubtless growing number of Fae who would like to “advise” me.

And though many of my subjects and friends might not realise or understand, I grieved for him, and I grieve for him.

I know that throughout history we have many examples of Fae Kings and Queens hating one another and yet still having to rule together. Hating one another and yet still being passionately in love.

That was not mine and Maric’s relationship. And yet, with his absence, I feel a yawning chasm in the Land and in my life.

I had a dream, and although it was Spring everywhere, I was still a Winter Queen. Alabaster skin covered me, my hair silver snow, and although I was dressed for the coming of Summer, I felt ice in my veins. The now-smaller Bower’s park seemed a place to go, and there I discovered a statue of two swans. How like Maric and me they were: him with his unrelenting passion for me and for all things Fae, and me with my aloof exterior and seeming indifference.

Are those two swans a representation of us? Or do they indicate something deeper. I sense something about the black swan, something it is trying to tell me.

In that space, it was impossible not to dance, although I felt out of balance with the season. And as I dance, I felt a warming in my bones and in my body, as if the sun itself entered me like a lover.

There was a moment of intense dizziness, and then I found myself atop the Tower. This is the Tower that appeared for me when the Land changed upon Maric’s withdrawal (I am still to raw to say “death”), and I know it well, though I do not like it overmuch. But now I was fully a Spring Queen, cheeks blossoming, clad in white with those butterfly wings that always seemed to attach themselves to me when I was new at all this. And I laugh to write “when I was new at all this,” because after all, it has only been a few years since I was a barmaid in Jasper Cove, only a few years since Father took me in, barely three years since I ascended to the Throne of Faerie.

It gave me pause, thinking about the past and wondering about the future. I confess I felt a formality around me, a formality I often feel now. I wonder what the right thing to do is, where I should go, how I should rule. And, further, I wonder if I am even the right ruler, or even a very good one. I have been indifferent like that white swan to so many things during my reign. And now I will have to look at both sides of Faerie, far more closely than I ever have done.

I allowed myself to wonder if there were some place I could go, some haven I could find, a place that would help me learn how to balance so many things at once in Maric’s absence. Some school for Fae Queens. Ha! A school for Fae Queens. It would be like Hogwarts on acid.

And then, Gods, that dizziness again, and a terrible rushing noise like a waterfall crashing down upon me.

Wherever I was now, it was night, and I walked down a foggy high street until I came to a place that I knew I belonged. Café Codex. A simple sign, probably hand-painted, probably by me: I recognised the loops of my “d”s in the writing. The place looked closed, but the door opened to me. Downstairs, books and a tea counter, with cakes and croissants and the sort of espresso machine that would give my Nathaniel flashbacks and possibly PTSD! I giggled to think of him wrestling with it, and I knew someday I would see this happen.

Bookshelves downstairs filled with everything imaginable, the sort of hodgepodge you find in a good used book store.

And upstairs, I found an occult library, a consulting table, a little couch. I wondered.

But then without warning I found myself whisked into a stunning forest. It seemed to be afternoon now, and it was then I noticed my freckled skin, almost sun-kissed, and my red hair, tucked in to a braid. And despite my mundane clothes, I was not in glamour! For my wings stood out proudly, and my ears peeked out from beneath the brushed-back braid.

“White Owl,” I whispered to myself. “White Owl.”

And I knew my dream was true.

Style Cards:

Alabaster Gwyneth:
Body: Maitreya
Head: Catwa, Jessica
Hair: Analog Dog, Meredith
Ears: BentBox, Sylvan Ears
Skin: Lumae, Eirtae Fantasy, Nimbus (Now available at the Lumae Main Store!). Shown here with Lumiya Rae’s amazing new appliers for the BentBox Sylvan Ears. As with all Lumae skins, dozens of appliers are included!
Dress: !Go!, Flora, Blush (Available at The Fantasy Collective, which closes soon, on April 15!)
Necklace, Yummy, Victorian Garden Key
Headpiece: Bauhaus Movement, Sissy, Spring
Circlet: Fujiwara’s World, Warden Tiara, Pink Gold
Garden: True & Latlos Creations, Enchanted Swans
Swan Statue: MeadowWorks, Swans Embrace

Spring Gwyneth:
Body: Maitreya
Head: Catwa, Jessica
Hair: No Match, No Exit (Available at this month’s Hairology event!)
Ears: BentBox, Sylvan Ears
Skin: Lumae, Eirtae, Melusine, Shell, T3 (Now available at the Lumae Main Store!). Shown here with Lumiya Rae’s amazing new appliers for the BentBox Sylvan Ears. As with all Lumae skins, dozens of appliers are included!
Dress: Junbug, 18th Century Stays, Ivory Floral
Wings: Deviance, Sidhe Wings, Seelie
Garland: Evie’s Closet, Arianwen Wreath
Tower: Poëtica, Willow Tower

Freckled Gwyneth:
Body: Maitreya
Head: Catwa, Jessica
Hair: EMO-tions, Kristen (Available at this month’s Hairology event!)
Ears: BentBox, Sylvan Ears
Skin: Lumae, Eirtae, T4, Fawn, freckled (Now available at the Lumae Main Store!). Shown here with Lumiya Rae’s amazing new appliers for the BentBox Sylvan Ears. As with all Lumae skins, dozens of appliers are included!
Lipstick: The Skinnery, Matte Lip Potion v2 (Catwa)
Clothes: Mikrunch, Hand Me Down of Mom (flower) (Available at The Chapter 4!)
Shoes: CandyDoll, Flower Flats, White
Wings: Faeline, Sayuri (flame)
Jewellery: May’s Soul, Elven Necklace and Headpiece, gold

Spiffy photos taken with the indispensible aid of my LumiPro. I never fly through dreams without it!

Thanks to the creative and talented and all around nice Lumiya Rae, who’s letting me blog her beautiful skins.

Thanks also to all my sponsors and the creators for whom I blog; you’ve all been incredibly patient and understanding with me as I go through the grieving process. I’m grateful for your belief and support.

And PS… Fantasy Faire is just around the corner. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!