My dad made me listen to this song when I was a kid. I think it was by some America comedian. It didn’t make any sense, and neither does Jasper Cove.
Here are ten questions I don’t know the answers to:
- Why do we not have internet but we do have an espresso machine?
- Why don’t I ever bring my sketch book out in public here? Drawing from memory sucks, but I did a sketch of Nathaniel this morning.
- What is the deal with all these little kids? I would think I made this whole fucked up fantasy up, but there are so many little kids, everywhere. I would never dream up so many little kids. And all of them are girls. WTF.
- Who invented this abomination they call cider? Cider has alcohol in it, damn it; lots and lots of alcohol. It tastes like fruit and it gets you seriously pissed.
- WTF is up with Nathaniel? He’s got lovely ginger hair, but he’s so fucking polite. If he didn’t swear up and down he’d had a wife who passed away, I’d put him on the ‘never been snogged’ list, honestly.
- Why is the only thing here that mirrors reality the lack of available men? See above point, plus Emanuel, who seems almost normal, is clearly shagging Anna, and Creepy Bird Druid Man I would not want following me around anyway, and Alec is (duh!) the king who is all kinds of happily married, or I should hope so with the number of kids those two have running around. Cristoff is like my funny uncle, and Bound– well, let’s just say he’s not on the list of potential Jasper Cove Flings for various reasons.
- There are no gays here. WTF. At home, everybody I know is gay. Or looks gay. Or acts gay. Or would kind of like to be gay. This is possibly because my gaydar got skewed for life when I spent that summer working for Apple Retail.
- Where are the kitty cats? In the absence of a potential Jasper Cove Fling, I could at least go for a kitty cat.
- When do I get to meet this amazing talking dragon? Aoibh told me we actually have a real dragon who comes in to the pub. I’d like to see that. I would say she’s fucking with me, but I don’t think Aoibh knows how to fuck with people. We have to fix her sense of irony. Did they have senses of humour in the 1300s that didn’t involve poop jokes?
- It is really good that I finally started this journal. Now if I have questions like, ‘Am I dead, back home,’ or ‘Am I in a coma’, or ‘Did I just get some seriously good drugs in hospital and I’ll be back in a few weeks’, I have somewhere to put them down instead of blurting them out to whoever will listen to me.
Top Ten Reasons I Probably Am Not Dead.
- I don’t feel dead.
- No white light.
- No life flashing before my eyes.
- Nathaniel said Alec said the boatman was not Charron.
- No cats. There would be cats in the afterlife.
- In the afterlife, I would be in a tracksuit, and slippers, not dealing with the same five LARP outfits I took to Shining Lands. I’m getting seriously fucking sick of them. And wtf, no denim.
- I would not itch so much in the afterlife, because duh, I’d have no nerves. Seriously, I must be allergic to something around here, because damn. Itching.
- I still have to sleep. What’s up with that?
- I am running out of eyeliner. In the REAL afterlife, there would be an endless supply.
- There would be sushi. Lots and lots of sushi.
Right, so much for existential blues; on to bad art. Here is the sketch I did of Nathaniel earlier. I don’t think I got it quite right.