I can’t stop drawing.

Hobby has become obsession. Probably because I can’t get any knitting wool here.

We met the Unseelie King. He was — is — beautiful and terrible. And I can’t seem to stop drawing him.

I just keep drawing him over and over. I break it up by drawing other things, but.

Anyway.

I fucked up when we met him, something fierce. So badly I just don’t want to talk about it. It makes my stomach hurt to think about it.

And then Rachel showed up bitching and moaning about how we all had a place to stay but she didn’t. Perhaps if she didn’t go around betraying people who wanted to be her friends, that conversation would have ended differently. I am sure a creature like her can survive just fine on other people’s tears: she sure seemed to enjoy mine.

I think she overheard my fuck up, which makes the whole thing worse.

Talked to Valene about it, and she said demons didn’t use that kind of thing the same way the fae do. She said I needed to learn to be devious.

Drew Val, trying to get drawing Him out of my system. I really like this one. But Val’s beautiful, so easy to draw. I wish I could capture her in motion.

I have grown to love Valene. I trust her. I think if I were going to do that fealty-swearing thing with anybody I know right now, it would be her. Of course, I might just be in love with all the Cait. I wish I were a Cait, a little bit. But I like being humanoid, too.

A stranger came in to the conversation. He was a bit swarthy for my taste, but lovely to look at. He said his name was Raven. I told Nathaniel about him later, and Nathaniel said there were a lot of Ravens around. That made me think of an old pagan gathering joke:

Question: What’s the best way to get laid at a pagan gathering?

Answer: Go to the information tent, and have Morgan and Raven paged.

I studied his face so I could draw him.

The way Valene was going on about him and flirting with him, I’m pretty sure he is a fae. That and the fact he made my palms itch– not as much as He did, but enough that I kept worried they were on fire and had to hide them in the Cait shadows.

Here are some sketches of Aoibheann. I think they would look nice if I could put them all on one canvas, but I don’t have any way to mount them. I should show her these– maybe she’d see how beautiful she is through my eyes if I did that.

Oh. And Nathaniel’s seen me in my smalls now. I feel embarrassed about that, but also kind of nice. I hope he knows how much I like him.

But, you know. I keep drawing Him. I wish I could stop, but then I think of midnight blue wings against the darkening sky and I have to put something down on paper. I’m going to be like that crazy artist my male caretaker told me about once, the one who did a lot of drugs and then painted the same picture over and over again until he died. I think that’s apocryphal. I hope that’s apocryphal.