Home » A second life in pictures » I could have died.

I could have died.

No, really. Rachel, who I thought was fighting against her demonic nature, who I thought was becoming my friend, who I thought was more interested in discussing the difference between her England and mine, somehow influenced me — and Nathaniel — into going down to the bridge and confronting Major FuckBeak. This has been a couple of nights ago now, and I’m only just able to talk about it. It was horrible.

I mean, don’t get me wrong: I knew she was a demon. But I knew she was a demon the same way I know Nathaniel is a vampire and Cristof is a vampire and Valene is a Cait-Sidhe and the Hunter is an evil legendary presence. Our place is our place, and we are all in this together, all in the same boat. That’s Jasper Cove thinking, that is, and I need to get out of it. Because Rachel wasn’t in Jasper, and she doesn’t know how everyone had to get along there or not get anything at all, and she’s not part of my clan, and I will have nothing more to do with her. She is only interested in talking people into doing things they will regret for some twisted enjoyment for herself and her master, or whatever. And so much for thinking Padishar is an OK dude as well: anybody who could set such a creature loose on innocent people needs an education in basic life principles, and fey or not, as far as I’m concerned he’s probably a demon himself if he condones her actions.

We ended up down at the bridge, even though Nathaniel tried to fight against it, and she screamed out for Major FuckBeak to show up. When he did show up, whatever power she’d had over me turned into terror at my remembrance of the last time we’d met. I was dumbstruck and barely able to talk, but he remembered that I was under the protection of the Cait-Sidhe and said up front that he wouldn’t harm me. At least he was properly bound to his word. When he found out Nathaniel was also under Valene’s protection, he focused his attention on Rachel.

It was like she longed for death — and I guess if I were in her predicament I would long for death as well; it has to be preferable to being such a reprehensible liar and actively working for the downfall of those with whom you’re ostensibly forming friendships. How anybody who remembers a former life on Earth along with other principled creatures could react any other way is beyond me. Major FuckBeak made some sort of magical attack from the air and pelted her with stones; she didn’t even try to dodge. She just called him a coward for not landing and facing her on the ground.

I think Nathaniel must have kissed me — he talked about that, later. I don’t remember it. How fucked up is that? He was mostly talking to Major FuckBeak, who gave him sort of the verbal equivalent of a tl;dr because he was (of course) much more interested in killing something when there was something to kill than in dealing with a rational being asking him for something rational.

Anyway, Nualla and Rowse appeared — they keep doing that — and took Nathaniel and me down the Shadow Roads to Valene’s den, but not before I basically heard Rachel get blown into a million pieces by this windstorm Major FuckBeak magicked up.

I said I wanted my caretaker, only I called her mum. I usually can’t do that these days; that term under pressure probably means that deep down in my psyche I still think of her as my mother, despite the fact that she clearly is not, or that her actual place in my life is unknown to me. She was holding me. Nathaniel was holding me. I wanted to go to sleep.

And then Valene said you could go anywhere, any time, on the Shadow Roads. Is she trying to tell me I could be a Cait-Sidhe? I have a curious lack of whiskers and no fuzzy ears. I don’t think I could be a Cait-Sidhe.

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