If you want something done right…

From The Amazing Catwoman:

You know, I must be getting old. I mean, obviously no-one would ever notice but me, since svart alfar age as slowly as do other Elf and Fae races, but I seem to remember being much more efficient when I was Lira’s age. Well, Lira’s apparent age.

I thought maybe I should cut her a little slack. Gwyneth created her, what, three years ago? And then she immediately got lost, like a little—OK, like a toddler. It probably isn’t her fault that she effed up her first mission for the Dragon Deliverance Society. That might have been a tactical error on my part.

I was resigned. So I rented a Wyvern, from ECMA* Rent-A-Wyvern. Their reputation was very good, or so I’d heard.

Why do I always get the surly ones? Not since my stint tagging unicorns years ago at the Lost Unicorn Gallery have I ever had a kind, complacent animal in my life. Even my best unicorn friend Humphrey (he still says I could never pronounce his actual name, so I call him Humphrey, which pisses him off and makes me smug) is a cantankerous old thing at this point.

“Could you try not to flame the Viking?” I asked. I was trying to be nice.

“You don’t think he needs flaming?” The wyvern twisted his head around and gave me the side-eye. “He’s got a really stupid beard.”

I stifled a laugh with a cough. I don’t think he noticed. “Even if I were in the habit of judging beards, It wouldn’t be a good idea for us to get off on the wrong foot here,” I said. “That’s how I ended up here to begin with.”

He rumbled. “Well, just let me know where you want me to drop you off,” he said. “There’s a wyvern rave here today.”

A wyvern…rave. “You’ll still be OK to take me home?”

He rumbled again. “Sure, sure; it’s just a small one. Just give me a shout when you’re ready. Name’s Rich. You’re Tack, like the thing humans don’t like to step on, yeah?”

“TAC,” I corrected, though it honestly sounds the same. “It stands for ‘The Amazing Catwoman’.” He side-eyed me again. “It’s a long story.”

“Fair enough. Why don’t I drop you off up at the mead hall; you can find me later at the party stage: you can’t miss it.”

I was sure that was true. How could anyone miss a wyvern rave?

*ECMA: Enchantment Can Make Anything

I took a look inside the mead hall and decided to give it a miss. That anachronistic tavern-keeper looked a bit sketchy to me, and he was the one who invited Lira to leave and never return, according to her incident report. I’ll give her that: she is very good at filling out forms. Then again, she would be.

Rather than ask around, I decided just to explore the place. I looked tough enough with all this spiky armour on that I didn’t figure anybody would bother me. Mostly folk don’t bother me, full stop: I think it’s my sparkling personality and keen sense of diplomacy. Not.

Even after decades of doing sketchy work for sketchy folk, it took me most of a day to explore the entire Legends of Flight Faire. And I wasn’t shopping: I’m not her. I know, I know, Gwyneth and I made up years ago, but still. I’m not her.

Anyway, I was about to call it a day and look for Rich (when I laughed at his name, he told me it was short for ‘Eat the Rich’, and I gained respect for him in that moment), and then I saw an impossibly steep cliff. Obviously I had to climb it: I am after all The Amazing Catwoman.

Would you lookie here? At least whoever left these here had left the box lid on. I removed the cover and checked the eggs to get a sand temperature. It was warm enough but not warm enough for hatching; that at least was good news. I rang the Society and sure enough a quick chip-check— (since the Dragon Uprising 60 years ago, all dragon eggs require registration, so how these thieves thought they would get away with stealing sixteen chipped eggs is beyond me)—a quick chip check confirmed that these were four of the sixteen missing eggs.

(As an aside, in case you’ve been living under a rock in a pocket universe somewhere, we chip dragon eggs to prevent dragon trafficking, which is what the Society is all about).

Now I just had to find the other twelve. I popped these four into my bag of holding and skedaddled (Yes, really!) down the cliff-edge on the other side, where I neatly fell into a swamp.

Luckily, my hair is so short these days it dries quickly, especially in a hot dragon environment.

Now, what to do about Lira. I knew her heart was in the right place, but I knew in my heart it was a mistake for me to throw her into field work. In her report, she was adamant that she did want to go back to Awenia just yet; she is apparently not done seeing what the many Realms of our reality have to offer. We will certainly be having a little chat, if she wants to continue working with the Society, about what ways she could be useful other than fieldwork.

Now that I had the first four eggs, I got a strong feeling there weren’t any more at the Legends of Flight Faire; besides it ends in a few days, and thieves want to get away before merchants start packing up.

As predicted, the rave was not hard to find, nor was (Eat The) Rich.

“Whoa, dragon lady, you’re later than I expected.”

“Cat Woman,” I replied. Why are people always making that mistake? “It’s been all day.”

“Yeah, but…” He swung his head sharply to the left and nearly knocked me in the head. “I figured it was gonna be like after lunch time, or tomorrow. There’s an inn here, you know. You can talk to Clive at the mead hall.”

I shook my head sharply. “I’m gonna stop you right there. What you’re telling me is that you are not prepared to get me out of here tonight.”

Have you ever seen a wyvern grin? You really notice their teeth when they do that.

“I mean, I would be, but I am,” and he roared as if to boast of the accomplishment I was anticipating, “am too high to fly!”

I rolled my eyes. “Just find me someone who can help me or get me to a portal?” I said.

“Wyvern Bon Bon will know.” He turned enthusiastically. “Yo Sunshine Wyvern!”

And sure enough, there turned up a smaller (compared to Rich), pinker (definitely compared to Rich) wyvern.

“Hey, Bon Bon,” Rich said. “This is the lady I told you about, my fare. She needs out of here, and I am in no….”

“You certainly are not,” she snapped at him. And then, “And don’t you try to convince him,” she snapped at me.

I raised my hands, palms forward. “I planned no such thing,” I said. “I’m as concerned with my own safety as the next operative.”

“Well, good, then.” She looked me over with saucer-sized eyes. “I’ll get you to our back portal: it’ll at least get you to a portal hub, and you can get back to the Society from there.”

“He told you I was with the Society,” I said.

“Girl, he would have told me where Owain Glyn Dwr’s privy was, as much Mollyflower as we gave him.” She coughed. “OK—as I gave him.”

I heard some shouting from up on the ridge. “Look, can you get me there pronto? And you—” I turned to Rich. “You tell no-one that you helped me or where I came from, and I’ll give you that five star review.”

“You mean everybody he hasn’t told already,” Bon Bon chipped in. “I’ll make sure for you; we have to keep the Society safe, after all.”

“OK, but can you make it a one-star review? I don’t really like this job.”

“Deal,” I said. Bon Bon patted her back with a wingtip and I hopped on. Luckily, the portal was in the opposite direction as the shouting.

Notes & Credits:

Sponsored items are noted with a “*”

(Eat The) Rich, the Wyvern: Portrayed by Positive Wavelength, Wyvern 2025 Mount Regular* (Available at Enchantment’s Legends of Flight!)
TAC’s Armour and Boots: Art&Ko, Dragon Elf Set*(Available at Enchantment’s Legends of Flight!)
TAC’s Dragon Necklace: Montell Store, Daenara’s Dragon Pendant (Available at Enchantment’s Legends of Flight!)
Dragon Eggs: Lore, Dragon Egg Chest* (Available at Enchantment’s Legends of Flight!)
Table: Lore, Dreki Table and Stools* (Available at Enchantment’s Legends of Flight!)
Eyes: Yoshi, Druk Eyes* (Available at Enchantment’s Legends of Flight!)
Earrings: Miamai, Aine Ear Hugger (At the Miamai Main Store!)
Skin: Lumae, Ianthe, in tone Mist* (At the Lumae Main Store!)
Eye Makeup: Jack Spoon, Belle Sparkle liner
Lipstick: Jack Spoon, Vendetta Lipstick
Hair: Usugi Society, Penni Hair
Hairbase: Just Magnetized, Widow’s Peak Hairbase Set 01
Eyebrows: Suicidal Unborn, Agnes Eyebrows